The Baller in Me

“It’s not easy, to be, me…”

That line of a song pretty much summarizes my entire life. As a kid growing up, being bullied at one point, being the lamest all throughout, I’m surprised to see myself today. Being the not-so-gifted kid, physically, I was almost always at the crying end of everything. My friends would always tease me until I literally walk out of them, and I was always the last person to consider for something. I don’t know, I wasn't even a mean kid, but not all kids like me. I was never in front, I was a shadow.

There came a point where I shunned being with someone I do not know to the core. I can only goof around with selected friends. I was talkative. But I wasn't able to speak out for myself. I tried to be in. But was always the one being left out.

Imagine being a kid from a so-so family, with a paper-thin physique, with lots of things to say, but a few good friends to be with. I was a loser, a cry baby, and a burden to be with.

Confidence: -10

Self-esteem: -10

            

Kids from my elementary days like to tease me and eventually wants to have a fight with me, for I would never fight back, and for that they teased more. First, because I was afraid of my parents, and second, I can’t and will never be able to bear the pain. Mababaw pa luha ko, so I involuntarily gave them the satisfaction by just seeing tears from my eyes.  When I was in high school, I remember joining my classmates in playing basketball. I was surprised that even though we’re a complete set (10 players,) we didn't play a single game. It happened again when I was at our neighborhood. Only in my later years had I realized why nobody wanted to teamed up with me, it sure as hell that we’ll lose.

All I have was books, and my desire to be someone I wanted to be.

Giving up was never my option. I shifted my interest into sports, something that was not meant for someone like me. I practiced hard, I played a lot, I played with anyone – regardless of age and physique. I was never bobo, so I thought I just need to think better and ahead of them to play this sport well. And I did. After so much trying, so many practices, I can say I’m a better baller now. Basketball became my world, I watched a lot of games, live and on TV, to copy and see how others play. I even save up to be able to watch live professional basketball games. I read basketball books, I checked basketball websites. I became not only as a player, but also a basketball junkie.

           

The desire to outshine, outgrow and outplay my contemporaries was my main objective. I played with them. I was mad when my team is beaten. I was boastful when mine defeats them. I contacted people if they could enlist me to be their teammate. I played, and played some more.

            

One particular game that I remember was when I played with my former high school classmates. They were my tormentors. They were the monsters of my past. I was angry with them. I played aggressively, I played 5 straight games, and we managed to beat them 5 times. I was never exhausted. I never sat down and rested. And then it hit me.

            

That was the first time I enjoyed playing. I realized I was taller than them now, although I am still paper thin as before. I overcame my insecurities, I overcame my inferiority. I overcame the lame-me, and be the guy I wanted to be. I thanked them and never even bothered to take our pusta. I was happy I was not the outcast anymore.

            

Basketball is like life. You never give up, one must not. Giving up should never be in one’s list. Life goes on. It goes on and on and on. Players must play until there is time, as long as you can.  There would be hard fouls and cheap shots. There would be brick shots, missed open shots, and blocked lay-ups. There will always be taller and mean opponents. In basketball, opposing team won’t and will never ever give you a break. One must fight ‘til the buzzer sounds.

            

Life like basketball, means striving hard to stand out, take chance when there’s an opportunity. One must never take anything and anyone for granted. One shot could win, or lose, it all, and the least expected person could be the opponent’s best player. It’s giving your all, your all for your team.

            

I am glad I have done something to be proud of myself. I will never be a pro baller, nor a star player. But I will always be proud of myself that I was able to get up from where I fell down, and do the thing I love the most, which reminds of who I really am.

            

One only needs a “ball,” to make him love himself more, and basketball indeed, made me love myself even more.

            

Lastly, I learned that basketball like life is never about who won the game, but how you played the game.

-Raj