'Free

I recently received mp3 copies of Sugarfree’s concert – the “Sugarfree Live! with the Manila Symphony Orchestra.” Sugarfree was composed of Ebe Dancel on guitar and vocals, Jal Taguibao on bass guitar, and Kaka Quisimbing on drums. For hardcore fans, they were best remembered for “Mariposa,” “Burnout,” “Huling Gabi,” and “Ikaw Pala” but for occasional listeners, they’re best remembered for belting out “Prom,” “Makita Kang Muli,” “Wag Ka Nang Umiyak,” and the national anthem of my life, “Hari Ng Sablay.”

90’s kids had Eraserheads, Rivermaya and Parokya Ni Edgar. New millennia lads had Bamboo but for me it was Sugarfree. When I picked up a guitar and tried my best to play songs I love, and doing all that I could to perform in front of people, they were my inspirations. Not-so-good-looking bunch of musicians, with a not-so-fine voice quality, but are able to rock the crowd even if there are just 3 of them.

Ebe, with his poetic lyrics and combination of simple and eccentric guitar chord patterns, Jal with his jaw-dropping bass lines patterned with Mitch’s and Kaka’s groovy beat, Sugarfree songs makes you sing their song, copy how they do it, and brag with your music enthusiast friends.

But sadly, as they say, every good thing never really lasts. Sugarfree had disbanded a couple of years ago. It’s sad, so sad for someone who aspired to be a musician, for a fan, for a musician-wannabe, for someone who grew up listening to their songs, seeing them breaking up was so hard. It was like breaking up with your girlfriend ng paulit, ulit.

Yes, I haven't moved on. I still listen to their songs. I still play them in my guitar. I still request them in bars. I still perform their songs when I can. I was rebellious I never even tried to listen to Ebe’s new songs. I want them as they were.

I wished I could see them play – together – again. Kung kelan kaya ko nang bumili ng tickets ng gigs nila, kung kelan kaya ko na bumili ng albums nila, saka pa sila nawala.

I want to let go of them, like all the pains, the frustrations, the fears, the guilt, that I am feeling. I want to move on. I hope I could. I hope I could listen to another song. I hope I could find a way to burst these out and be able to say goodbye. Be able to tell myself, “wala ng Sugarfree…’gang kinig ka na lang, gang d’yan na lang yan” much like my desire to tell myself, “it’s over dude, you’ve done your part. One way or the other, you’ll get hurt or cause pain. Get up, apologize, man up, and let go.”

Lord, kindly please, can you please cancel the Sugar, so that I could now just be - Free.

-Raj